In my book, Amplify Your Orgasm, I uncover how the body is actually a layered experience encompassing not only the physical dimension but also the energetic, spiritual, emotional, and indeed the mental layer of the embodied experience. Amplified Orgasm is an experience that involves learning to engage all of these layers while also synergizing and aligning them with our partner during love making.
Everything we do in our lives is generally goal-oriented from getting up at a specific time in the morning and getting ready for work, to doing the school run for the kids, attending business meetings scheduled during the day, and coming home early to have dinner and family time together. Our brain, mind,and body not only get accustomed to programmed automatic response mode but it also gets accustomed to being target focussed. Sadly, this goal oriented behaviour often shows up in the bedroom during physical connection with our partner and during sex.
When it comes to the mental layer, two main categories first appear. First, the brain is the physical component that lays the structural foundation for thoughts, beliefs, memories, as well as sensory and cognitive processing. As I will explore in future blogs, the modern scientific paradigm of neural networks offers many actionable insights into how to reshape our relationship with sexual pleasure and orgasm through awareness of neural pathways and cognitive behavioral conditioning.
However, the mind, the second major category that we can understand as part of the mental layer of the human experience, is shaped by something that transcends the biological structure of the brain and helps us gain insight into how we come to perceive reality, our bodies, others, and of course, sex and orgasm.
One of the foundational aspects of the mind is belief. This article will explore the concept of belief, how we come to hold beliefs, our power to choose belief, and what belief has to do with Amplified Orgasm.
Core Beliefs: Programming the Subconscious Mind
All humans hold beliefs about the world we live in, ourselves, and others. It is one of the ways that we navigate our world, make day to day decisions, and come to understand the world around us and our role in it.
Beliefs about the world are an efficiency mechanism: They keep us from having to constantly see the world as new and try to make sense of it. They also help the subconscious mind provide a foundation for the conscious mind to make critical decisions. From an evolutionary perspective, this ability to hold on to beliefs about the world allows us to make life and death decisions in survival situations.
While many of us are accustomed to understand beliefs as internal and unique to our own mind, the reality of the situation is that our beliefs come from the social worlds in which we live. From an early age, our parents, friends, media, groups that we belong to (churches, schools, professional organizations, etc.) are all offering ideas about the world that we internalize (or reject) as we learn and grow through life experience. Most of our own beliefs come from these socially held notions, also known as social scripts.
In addition to internalizing these beliefs, we also then act them out. For example, men who are taught that “Real men don’t cry.” at an early age may spend a lifetime perfecting the art of repressing certain emotions such as sadness, grief, or fear in order to embody the “tough guy” social script.
On the other hand, women who buy into the “Good girls don’t enjoy sex.” narrative may find themselves struggling to enjoy the pleasure of sex, becoming blocked from fully experiencing sexual pleasure, and may not even be able to experience orgasm at all.
Limiting Beliefs Diminish Access to Sexual Pleasure and Orgasm
When we begin to take an inventory of our belief system, we can start to see a pattern emerging. Some of our beliefs seem to constrain our human potential, create a sense of judgement about what is acceptable and what isn’t, and encourage us to rank the world around us in ways that turn in and force our own existence to be one that is more limited. These beliefs are called “Limiting Beliefs.”
Notice how each of the beliefs listed below (which will be familiar to you even if you do not hold them yourself) encourage us to limit what is and what is not acceptable:
- Women who enjoy sex are sluts.
- Homosexual men are not capable of being “masculine.”
- Being a real man means being tough, dominant, emotionally stoic, and physically powerful.
- A woman’s physical appearance is much more important to her value in society than men’s because of biology.
- Biology is at the root of the differences between women and men.
- Sex is something that should not be enjoyed, rather, its true purpose is procreation.
The above beliefs are held about the world at large, and often applied to others in practice. However, when we internalize these beliefs about others, we are also using them to police our own behavior on a subconscious level. The result is often shame, fear, and disconnection from our own sexual experiences. Here is what some of those damaging limiting beliefs look like when we turn them in on ourselves:
- I am not comfortable with my own sexual urges and try to repress them.
- I am not able to express emotions such as vulnerability as a man because it might make me appear “gay” to others.
- If I show emotional vulnerability or compassion as a man, it will make me weak in the eyes of others.
- As a woman, if my physical body does not match that valued by the current media standard, I cannot be attractive to men.
- I am “abnormal” or “damaged” if I enjoy activities outside of my assigned gender roles.
- If I enjoy sexual pleasure, I am immoral.
Take a moment to inventory some of your own beliefs about gender, sexuality, and sexual pleasure. Have you been harboring limiting beliefs that may be interfering with your ability to fully embrace sexual pleasure and orgasm? If so, perhaps spend some time to become ready to let these old beliefs go and transform them into more empowering beliefs to free yourself from a prison of harmful beliefs of your own making.
The first step in preparing the mental layer of your body to begin the Path of Amplified Orgasm is to simply realize that you have the power to choose the beliefs that you invest in. You can identify those beliefs that are limiting your capacity to fully enjoy and embrace sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy and replace them with empowering beliefs that allow you to surrender to the full experience of sexual pleasure and Amplified Orgasm.
Stay tuned to my blog or subscribe to my newsletter here. In a future blog I will be sharing how to transform your limiting beliefs into empowering ones, how to engrain these new beliefs into your subconscious, and how to take advantage of your brain’s neural network programming to transform your concept of yourself, others, and open up your capacity to experience sexual pleasure.
Helping people identify and transform their limiting beliefs is also core to myLife Coaching Services. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions about how I can help you use the power of intentional belief to enhance your relationships and sex life.