One of the first principles that I teach any of my clients or students about opening up their potential to experience Amplified Orgasm is to abandon the idea that orgasm is the goal of our sexual experiences. For many, this is a very counter intuitive notion, especially because they are working with me, after all, to learn to have better orgasms!
Everything we do in our lives is generally goal-oriented from getting up at a specific time in the morning and getting ready for work, to doing the school run for the kids, attending business meetings scheduled during the day, and coming home early to have dinner and family time together. Our brain, mind,and body not only get accustomed to programmed automatic response mode but it also gets accustomed to being target focussed. Sadly, this goal oriented behaviour often shows up in the bedroom during physical connection with our partner and during sex.
Worse, most of us have spent a great deal of our sexually active lives actually programming ourselves with the habitual practice of orgasm being the goal, or “desired result,” of sexual experiences. This is perhaps most true of men, for some reasons we will explore in this article. However, even women can be negatively impacted by a history of approaching sex as a means to an end.
Get ready to let go of some old ideas and pick up a new one: In order to experience Amplified Orgasm, you need to let go of the idea that orgasm is the goal to be achieved during lovemaking with your partner!
Reasons to Approach Orgasm as an Experience Not a Goal
#1: Take the Pressure Off
First and foremost, the number one reason to stop approaching orgasm as a goal is to take the pressure off of both partners. This is critical because when we feel pressure to perform, it cuts off our ability to be fully present in our bodies. This can result in focusing on performance for the sake of others rather than genuinely following our own internal guidance system.
Pressure also introduces the emotions of shame and fear of inadequacy to our intimate moments with our partners. When we think that orgasm is the only outcome that makes our love making “successful” then we can begin to feel insecure if our partner is unable to achieve orgasm.
In fact, many women who have trouble achieving orgasm have developed a habit of “faking it” in order to spare their partner’s feelings when this kind of orgasm pressure is active during lovemaking. In other cases, men can develop performance anxiety that can even lead to problems maintaining an erection, all because of practicing the narrative of orgasm as the singular goal of sex.
#2: Learn to Sink Into Sensation
When we set a goal of orgasm during our sexual encounters, it keeps our mind forward-focused instead of now-focused. This keeps our attention off what is really happening in our bodies now and encourages us to only tune in to those sensations that are leading us to our own orgasm rather than tuning in to the various subtle energetic and physical sensations that are happening during sexual intimacy.
By shifting our focus to the sensations occurring both within our bodies and in the energetic field around our bodies, we are tuning in to a powerful force that can give us more information about where our desire is leading us next. By gaining more skills at tuning into these energies, we can develop the skills to tune into our partner as well, allowing us to start intentionally amplifying energy flowing between our bodies during lovemaking.
#3: Amplification and Resonance is the Goal
The orgasm-as-a-goal oriented mindset can lead to “faster and harder” as a kind of go-to way to approach sex. Meanwhile, couples are missing the chance to really sink in and appreciate softer sensations, more subtle energetic vibrations, and gentle signals that can help us tune in to resonance and synergy as a couple during the amplification process.
These signals are happening at all layers of embodiment including the physical, emotional, energetic, mental, and spiritual. For example:
- At the physical layer, the cock may become erect and the pussy may become wet.
- At the emotional layer, the partners may feel softer, loving, and more connected to each other.
- At the energetic level, each of the partners may feel more energised, alive, and awake.
- At the mental layer, both of the partners may feel more present, more aware of their surroundings, more conscious, and have more clarity of mind.
- At the spiritual layer, they may feel more connected to the Universe, divinity, or get in touch with unconditional love.
When we slow down and appreciate what is happening on all of these levels in the present moment, we can become more in tune with how to build the polarisation needed to create the kind of explosive and satisfying release of Amplified Orgasm.
Chances are, if you find that you are tired or exhausted rather than energized and awakened after your sexual experiences, your focus on a hard and fast path to climax has become a problem to experiencing a more satisfying and energy generating experience with your partner.
How to Approach Orgasm as an Experience Not a Goal
Now that I have made the case for why it is so important to let go of orgasm as a goal, let’s take a quick look at a few of the ways you can begin to try a new way of approaching sexual pleasure. If you find these tips intriguing, be sure to check out my book Amplify Your Orgasm to learn more about how to begin deepen your access to sexual pleasure and transform your experience of orgasm.
#1: Recognize if You Have Programmed Orgasm as a Goal
When we repeat certain habitual patterns of behavior they become ingrained in our central nervous system by way of neural pathways. This process is often referred to as programming and it makes up a great deal of what is sometimes referred to as the subconscious mind.
For example, people who routinely use porn to masturbate have created a neural superhighway between visual stimulation, a certain repeated pattern of self-directed stimulation, and the reward sensation of climax. For people who become addicted to porn, this neural network can become so deep and to the exclusion of other pathways to pleasure, that it can even lead to problems experiencing pleasure or even maintaining an erection during sexual intercourse.
In order to begin to reshape our approach to sex on the Path of Amplified Orgasm, it is important to first identify certain patterns that we have become accustomed to, especially if a specific path to climax has become a routine.
Becoming willing to experience sexual stimulation, either alone or with a partner, in ways that bring our attention to more subtle sensations is the beginning to forging new pathways that can help us experience a broader range of experiences during both sex, and ultimately, during orgasm. I will be exploring this in more detail in future blogs, so be sure to subscribe to my newsletter if you are interested in learning more.
#2: Expand Your Consciousness
One of the benefits of pursuing the Path of Amplified Orgasm is that it allows you to begin to expand your consciousness in ways that will enhance your overall mindfulness and awareness of everything in your world. It is like suddenly seeing the world in 3D and realizing that until now you were only aware of two dimensions.
In my book, Amplify Your Orgasm, I describe how to develop your consciousness by focusing in on building your skillset in these five domains:
- Open Mind
One of the first things to notice about the emotional state of fear is that it is rooted in the body through a series of hormonal and neural chain reactions in response to a perceived threat or “trigger,” often registered in the subconscious mind. In fact, biological indicators such as neurochemicals, heart rate, and breath rate can be used to measure the effect of fear on the physical body.
In addition, you can understand fear as a series of sensations that you may experience when you are frightened. These specific sensations may feel differently depending on the individual.
Take a moment to get in touch with how your body feels in terms of sensations by getting quiet and then taking your mind to a memory in which you experienced fear. As you remember the details of this memory, try to get in touch with the sensations your body was experiencing. Do a little journaling to make note of some of the sensations your body tends to produce when you are experiencing this emotional state.
#3: Master Sexual Polarity to Enhance Amplification
Finally, by becoming more in tune to the body’s various subtle signals including all of the five layers of our embodiment, we can begin to actively build sexual polarity during our lovemaking. This polarity, not unlike the magnetic force of magnets, can then be amplified. When we learn to tune in and resonate with our partner’s energetic fields, we can then begin to experience what is known as Amplified Orgasm.
Ironically, taking the focus off of orgasm as the goal opens up a new way to have a deeper and more fulfilling of sexual pleasure and intimacy. By taking the pressure off, by encouraging us to tune into more subtle sensations, and by teaching us to build the expanded consciousness we need to more deeply experience our bodies and that of our partner, letting go of orgasm as a goal is necessary.